Pass The Buck?

If you haven’t already seen it, we have a contender for the most ridiculous concept for a magazine ever award; ‘Buck’ is a men’s magazine devoted to - get this - ‘fashion, furniture and food for men!’ FUCKIN’ FURNITURE! Maybe I’m wrong but somehow I don’t think there are many men out there who’ve been waiting expectantly for this bizarre alliterative fusion of men’s interests. Yeah maybe some of us were getting cheesed of with boring old fashion and food or maybe even food and furniture and now can rest assured that all our fashion, food and furniture needs are encompassed in one pseudo-foppish journal. I can’t imagine the pitch for this getting beyond any half conscious publishing exec;

‘It’s a magazine with a twist. We cover fashion’

‘Seen it’

‘Food’

‘Boring!’

‘And……furniture!’

‘Wait a doggone minute, fashion, furniture and food for men? There’s a concept I can sell! When do we start?’

No, as usual with these self-indulgent meta-niche (or is it micro-niche?) concepts, I suspect some rich kiddy playing around with daddy’s millions here. The likes of ‘The Chap’ have staked a claim for ‘new fogeyism’ by keeping their production values low and their standard of japing journalism reasonably high. Buck must cost a fortune to produce as it’s glossy and highly visible, not only available in Borders and specialist retailers but on the shelves of WH Smith. In these cash strapped times, Buck’s self-conscious ‘eccentricity’ must appeal to a tiny microcosm of the male population ie. professional ‘bohemians’ and self-styled ‘dandies about town.’

You know the type; self-consciously studied twats with Victorian patriarch or Salvador Dali muzzies, tweed bowties, 30s architect gigs and Cary Grant haircuts riding up Greek Street on penny farthings. With FHM, Loaded, GQ, Esquire, Arena all on their arses, I suppose these niche ‘men’s interest’ mags are atleast attempting something different and have curiosity value. I’ll give it another issue.

More new niche titles for 2009

Puck - a satirical magazine for Victorian gentlemen
Pike – fashion, furniture and fly-fishing for freaks
Puke – food, fridges and frottage for fuckwits
Puss – cats, cars n’ kinky boots for creeps
Pube – hair, hogroasts and hats for hillbillies

Anyhows, here's Buck's guide to tieing a bow tie, if you should ever attend a 'black tie event' such as a boxing dinner or the annual Billy Childish Appreciation Society AGM.

http://buckstyle.com/detail.php?s=9&page=153&p=1

and here's a picture of soemone who knew how to rock a bow-tie and cape ensemble....

http://manolomen.com/images/Oscar%20Wilde%20with%20bow%20tie.jpg

How To Make Jim Shelley's TV Dinners

1

Select an easy to satirise TV show

2

Deconstruct the show with six acerbic yet amusing comments

3

Get the Guardian to pay you for it

4

Next week How To Satirise Private Eye's 'Polly Filler' column

TV Highlights

Could You Eat Fergus Henderson?

We ask a rat, a dog and an elephant if they could put aside their sentimental attachment to pompous chefs in silly glasses for a while and consider eating Fergus Henderson from snout to toe. Unsurprisingly, they all said ‘no.’

Puppy recipes below for dog scran fans everywhere...

http://www.puppybeef.com/recipes.php

Jacques Peretti – What Really Happened

In which the former Guardian hack and ‘broadcaster’ uncovers a wealth of old information about himself and passes it off as revelatory investigative journalism. After discovering that Michael Jackson is a bit weird, Michael Barrymore is a bit gay and Amy Winehouse likes the odd drug, Jacques now discovers the truth about himself; he miraculously keeps getting commissioned to state the fucking obvious!

far more interesting is Venessa Peretti's discovery that men enjoy looking at beautiful women...who'da thunk it eh?

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=7n-ULJK08k8

Coolio’s Radical Feminism Masterclass

The washed up, third rate rapper and Big Brother bully explains the history of women’s liberation all the way from Mary Wollstonecraft all the way through to Mutya Buena.

here's the phoney 'G' looking suitably silly.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=7sKFPjaEY8s&feature=related

Terms Of Endearment (Royalty Special)

First Prince Harry calls one of his fellow Sandhurst morons a 'Paki' then his aul fellar calls his Asian polo buddy 'Sooty' but hey, it's all in jest er, 'blood' because the royal propaganda machine is working overtime badgering the BBC and assorted other media lackeys with tales of royal non-prejudice and finding 'people of colour' on Britain's multi-racial streets to say 'THEY don't mind' so what's 'da beef homeboy?' See, here's some footage of Harry and Charlie TOGETHER watching nig nogs bashing drums, see HOW COULD THEY BE RACIST? HOW?

And Sooty don't mind, he enjoys being called Sooty, infact back in Bananastan the term 'Sooty' is a COMPLIMENT!! It means 'most venerated one' from the Sankrit 'sut-tee' so if anyhting, it's a compliment. With parents like Liz n' Phil, people brought up not to respect but despise others, surely it's no shock that Charles and Harry voice their ingrained aristocratic prejudices.

As ever the BBC is quick to jump to the royal's defence. George Alagiah plasters on a big cheesy smile and hangs his big daft assimilated head to one side as his massers cobble together some emergency footage of Harry helping out po' black folks down in darkest Africaland on a gap year chairty PR exercise to prove he's a giving kinda guy yah? YAH????

Those other royal chummy racist nicknames include :

'Golly' - Barak Obama
'Fu Manchu' - Ban Ki-moon (thought that was the b-side of Marquee Moon - see it's catching!)
'Kermit' - Nicholas Sarkozy
'Porridge Wog' - Gordon Brown
'Your Regal Majesty' - Any Saudi despot with dough to spend on jet fighters

here's how to do it......

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=k88K8AMVcgg&feature=related

Saganaki Nightmares Pt 1

Crass gave us Nagasaki Nightmares, cheese gives us anarcho-punk nightmares, dunno about you but sometimes I get em all mixed up. This site is aimed at avoiding such anarcho-punk/Greek hot cheese dish disasters and other potential pop culture embarrassments, so just to put you straight.....

this is Crass's Nagasaki Nightmares...........

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=8aHFRwGD47M

and this is a recipe for prawn saganaki.......

http://www.agni.gr/food_and_wine/recipes/prawn_saganaki.asp

Easy isn't it?

With this in mind, here are a few links to a few cultural artifacts we've excavated like one of Time Team if Time Team sat on their arses all day with nothing better to do than trawl through youtube and create shite blogs no-one will ever read, instead of doing 'geo-phys' surveys on Suffolk fields and discovering ancient Celtic burial mounds, that is....

Gastr del Sol - The Seasons Reverse

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=tSVhIaU2Kj0

boss tune, boss vid, that's all you need to know.

TV Eye - Tees St Isn't Working

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=JIMPfKvG5Bc

Things were grim up north in the 80s. In Birkenhead, they were even grimmer. This no doubt well intentioned attack on the results of Thatcherism appears to have been made by Tory Central office; Vince Baker sellng his fishing rod to pay for cigarettes? Mick Searson, the oldest 42 year old doley in town? The Brothers McGregor selling 'china, glass ware, fancy goods!' from their ill-devised market stall operation. Fancy Goods? What pray passes for 'fancy' down on Birky market?

Carl Sagan - Cosmos Intro

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=JIMPfKvG5Bc

Deep maaaaan! Great voice, great thinker, great coat!

Napoli Ultras arrive at Rome railway station

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=xVczsnRuOyg

Billions of years of evolution and what do we get? Naples hoolies making Stoke look like Murphy's Mob, that's what! Sagan would weep at this but we got kinda excited!